52 Lists - Week 5

As you probably know, I’ve decided to give the 52 Lists Project by Morrea Seal a go, and yes, I am incredibly late to this particular party! If you haven’t heard of it, the basic premise is that a list subject has been created for every week of the year, so each week you print off your list template, complete it and pop it in a folder. At the end of a year you will then have 52 different lists, which should tell you a lot about yourself. Yes, you are probably meant to start this project at the beginning of the year, but hey, when was I ever one to conform?!

This week I had a go at list number 5, which was asking you to list all the things you are grateful for, which I thought was a really lovely thing to do and is something I’ve been meaning to do for quite some time.

I actually think this is a really good thing to do on a regular basis – even if it’s just once a week writing down three things you are grateful for. It soon builds up and you realise you have so many things to feel thankful about, even if sometimes life can seem very bleak. I guess my list is fairly typical in a number of ways. I am grateful for my loving and supportive family and friends, having a roof over my head, food in the fridge and clean water to drink and I have grown up somewhere safe. I also tried to look at my health, which I very often feel disappointed with, but I think it’s important to find any little things that you can be happy about. Yes, I have a long-term genetic condition that is always going to make life more difficult for me, but things could always be worse. Most of the time I am able to get out of bed in the morning, even if it’s just to make it downstairs to the sofa. But I still get a change of scenery, and there have been times in my life when I have been bedbound for months on end. I am also incredibly lucky to finally have a diagnosis of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. It might sound like a strange thing to be grateful for, but after spending 26 years being unwell and not having any answers, it is such a relief to finally have some understanding of what is wrong with me.

The EDS is also a blessing because it has made me who I am today. It’s introduced me to the most amazing group of online (and real life) friends, who I would never have met if I were healthy. It has made me appreciate the little things in life – feeling the sunshine on my face, being able to wash my hair, walking bare foot on dewy grass. There is so much to be grateful for in this beautiful world, but sometimes you just have to look a bit harder for it.

What words and phrases would be on your list for this week?

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52 Lists Week 4

As you probably know, I’ve decided to give the 52 Lists Project by Morrea Seal a go, and yes, I am incredibly late to this particular party! If you haven’t heard of it, the basic premise is that a list subject has been created for every week of the year, so each week you print off your list template, complete it and pop it in a folder. At the end of a year you will then have 52 different lists, which should tell you a lot about yourself. Yes, you are probably meant to start this project at the beginning of the year, but hey, when was I ever one to conform?!

This week I had a go at list number 4, which was asking you to list your current and future goals and dreams. At first, I thought this would be incredibly easy, but then I took a step back and realised that I can’t just fill my list with anything and everything. I needed to be specific and realistic, and that took a bit more thinking time.

I think this is a good list for someone to complete because it helps you focus firstly on what your current goals are, but also what your long-term goals are. I must admit I did find it hard because there are so many things I would love to add to this list, that I simply wouldn’t be well enough to achieve. So that was pretty hard to accept. But, it was good in that it made me think realistically about what I can achieve.

I’ve managed to come up with quite a decent list of current and future goals and dreams. Some of them are very standard (well, for a healthy person anyway) like completing college and university, buying my own house and being financially stable. But I’ve also put quite a few more abstract goals in there too. Things like just getting through each day, continuing to fight my demons and improving my mental health are probably more important than a lot of the physical goals I have set myself.  Another goal is to buy a better wheelchair so I can be a bit more independent, because although it’s really hard, I need to start accepting that I won’t be able to do things in the same way other people might do them. No matter what your goals and dreams might be, the most important thing is that you feel happy and content with what you already have. Now I’m the first to admit I’m not brilliant at this. I am forever wishing things could be different, that my health could improve or that I was able to take up opportunities given to me, but I really am trying to learn to accept things the way they are. Because while I’m aiming for unobtainable dreams, I will never be happy with where I am right now.

What words and phrases would be on your list for this week?

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52 Lists - Week 3

As you probably know, I’ve decided to give the 52 Lists Project by Morrea Seal a go, and yes, I am incredibly late to this particular party! If you haven’t heard of it, the basic premise is that a list subject has been created for every week of the year, so each week you print off your list template, complete it and pop it in a folder. At the end of a year you will then have 52 different lists, which should tell you a lot about yourself. Yes, you are probably meant to start this project at the beginning of the year, but hey, when was I ever one to conform?!

This week I had a go at list number 3, which was asking you to list the things you should be proud of. I found this week’s list incredibly difficult to complete because I find it very difficult to allow myself to think good things about myself. I think it was a good exercise to complete though because it really pushed me to be kinder to myself.

This was definitely a good list for me to try out, as it made me reflect on my whole life. I’m often very down on myself because I feel like I haven’t achieved all the things I would like to because of being unwell. I often convince myself that I am a failure and it’s easy to believe these negative labels I assign myself. So, doing this list really pushed me to challenge my negative thoughts and think of things I can be proud of. I actually managed to come up with quite a few things in the end, although getting myself to believe what I’ve written is another thing! I noticed in my notes that there are different categories of things I can be proud of.

There are physical achievements such as getting my GCSE’s or writing my blog, where I have something very concrete to show for my achievements. And I am really proud of myself for achieving these things. When I did my GCSE’s I was terribly unwell, yet I was still determined and driven and managed to sit 7 exams, which I think is pretty darn amazing. But there are also more figurative, personal achievements that I feel immensely proud of. The first thing I wrote on my list that I was proud of was ‘I am still alive’ and I really do feel that this is my biggest achievement. There have been so many times I have come close to death, even before I was born, yet I am still here, fighting every single day. And when it comes down to it, above everything else, that is all anyone can ask of you. To wake up each and every day and fight as hard as you can to make it through to the end of the day. Then wake up tomorrow and do the same thing again.

What words and phrases would be on your list for this week?

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52 Lists - Week 2

As you probably know, I’ve decided to give the 52 Lists Project by Morrea Seal a go, and yes, I am incredibly late to this particular party! If you haven’t heard of it, the basic premise is that a list subject has been created for every week of the year, so each week you print off your list template, complete it and pop it in a folder. At the end of a year you will then have 52 different lists, which should tell you a lot about yourself. Yes, you are probably meant to start this project at the beginning of the year, but hey, when was I ever one to conform?!

This week was list number 2 and was asking you to list your greatest comforts. I found this list fairly easy to complete as there as quite a number of things that give me comfort and when I started thinking about them one idea led on to another so I ended up with quite a long list.

I think this was a really good list for me to complete this week. I’ve been struggling a lot with my physical and mental health and sometimes I think it’s good to seek comfort when you’re really having a hard time. Doing this task really made me think about the things in my life that help me feel safe and secure, and sometimes that’s all that you need. I guess these could be divided up into material items and emotional connections and I believe both are important. You can’t always rely on other people being there, so you will often need to turn to something physical, like a warm blanket or a cup of tea, to help get you through a stressful time in your life. But it’s also important to identify the people around you who you can turn to in times of crisis. It’s easy to take our friends and family for granted, but when you really think about what they provide you with, it makes you realise how pretty darn amazing they are.

I also think it’s important to realise that there are two levels of comfort – physical and emotional. Sometimes, like when it’s cold and rainy outside, you want to feel physically comforted by something like a hot chocolate or a snugly scarf and something as simple as that can provide everything you need. But a lot of the time you need more than that. You might feel stressed or lost, in which case a mug of hot tea probably isn’t going to help that much. In these situations you might look for something more intimate, like a hug or a text from a friend. I think it’s easy to look for physical comfort when, sometimes, it’s actually emotional comfort that we need. Physical things may give you temporary relief, but to really help you progress you need to address the deeper problem that’s causing you to feel unsafe.

What words and phrases would be on your list for this week?

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52 Lists - Week One

For all you seasoned bloggers out there, you will probably have heard of the 52 Lists project, put together by Morrea Seal and will realise that I’m incredibly late to this particular party! If you haven’t heard of it, the basic premise is that a list subject has been created for every week of the year, so each week you print off your list template, complete it and pop it in a folder. At the end of a year you will then have 52 different lists, which should tell you a lot about yourself. Yes, you are probably meant to start this project at the beginning of the year, but hey, when was I ever one to conform?!

So, on with the first list. This list was looking for words that touch your soul. Before doing this I really thought I would struggle to find words that touched my soul, but as soon as I started writing the words just came pouring out! I thought of words I associated with myself, words that describe how I would like to be and words that describe things that mean something to me.

As you can see, I wasn’t short of words to add to this particular list, and it made me realise that there is a lot about me that I probably don’t share with other people. I think I come across as quite a confident person, in general, and happy to share anything and everything, but in reality I’m actually very shy and private. I used words like vulnerable and breathe because a lot of the time I do feel very delicate, but also like a ball of coiled wire, ready to spring at any moment. Sometimes I just need to take time to breathe and remember what life is really about.

This list also helped me to see how much I appreciate the little things around me – hugs, create, nature, colour and peace.  Things a lot of people take for granted. But through being ill I have learnt to make the most of what I can, and if that is something as simple as a hug, or being able to get outside, then that should be enough for me. There are also words that mean a lot to me, that demonstrate the place I would like to be right now. Release, freedom, fly and balance show me that I’m in quite a difficult place at the moment and I would give anything to just be free from the darkness that surrounds me. I’m really amazed at how much this little list has shown me and am looking forward to completing my next one.

What words would be on your list for this week?

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