June Monthly Round Up

A collection things that happened in the month of June

So, we are now officially half way through the year (how did that happen?!) and I’m sure pretty soon the countdown to Christmas will be starting (I’ve actually already seen it on Facebook but am trying to pretend I haven’t!) Unfortunately I’ve spent another month still having a lot of problems with my health and not getting many answers, which is incredibly frustrating. There have been numerous medical appointments, which still take up a great deal of my time and energy, but there have been a few fun things in between that I thought I’d share with you. Firstly, if you’re a regular reader, you’ll know I’ve had a couple of really big events this month. The first being a trip to the Houses of Parliament for an awards ceremony I was nominated in, which was incredibly exciting and was also my first trip to London using a wheelchair, so definitely a new experience! Then, more recently, I appeared on BBC Radio Berkshire with Anne Diamond, discussing eating disorders and Beat (the leading eating disorder charity). This was pretty scary as I’ve never done live radio before, but it went really well and I’ve had lots of positive comments from it.

On my way to the Awards ceremony

 

At BBC Monitoring in Caversham

I expect you’ve guessed by now that I love to do a bit of baking when I’ve got the time, and I’ve shared quite a few recipes with you over the last few months (and there are lots more to come!) I didn’t do a recipe post for this cake (mainly because I completely forgot to take photos as I was in a bit of a rush!) so I thought I’d share what I made with you in this round up post instead. The story behind the cake is that we made it for my sister’s 20^th Birthday, as she is allergic to nuts, so finding a suitable cake can be a bit of a nightmare. She gave us some ideas of what she’d like, but the finished product was actually a surprise. I tried a new chocolate cake recipe, as I was finding my original one to be a bit dry, and I was so impressed with the new one – it tasted delicious! After baking the cake and sandwiching it together with butter cream, we covered the whole cake in frosting before placing Kit-Kats all around the outside, then covering the top with multicoloured Skittles. It was great fun to cut (imagine the advert where everything turns into Skittles!) and even more fun to eat.

As you may already know, I’ve really got into entering competitions since I’ve been unwell and have actually done pretty well, which is surprising as I’m not usually the luckiest of people! June has been a particularly lucky month, with me winning eight different prizes (yes, one was a bottle of washing up liquid, but still, it was a win!) A few of them were Father’s Day related, so these were passed onto my Dad and brothers’ but a couple were really up my street! At the beginning of June this gorgeous Joules picnic basket arrived on my doorstep and I am so excited to have my first picnic with it at some point over the summer, even if I can only do it in our back garden. Then a couple of days ago I got a message from New Look, telling me I had won a £100 voucher! To say I was gobsmacked would be an understatement and I had to double check that it was real! I’ve decided to save the voucher to stock up my winter wardrobe in a few months time, so I’m quite looking forward to the new season stock coming into store soon.

The final exciting thing that has happened this month is that I finally decided to buy myself a walking stick. Now, to a lot of you this probably sounds like a really odd thing to get excited about, but just wait until you see how funky my new stick is! I have always been a firm believer in making disability fun – after all, there isn’t much fun when it comes to being ill, so I believe you should find joy where you can, and if that means using a funky walking stick then so be it. I’ve been trying to get out a bit more, which has been made easier by my acceptance to use a wheelchair and stick, and, although I’m still finding it hard work, it is nice being able to feel a little more independent.

My funky Switch Stick

Things I’ve learnt this month…

+   The thrill of winning never gets old

+   I love growing things in the garden

+   I know my body better than anyone and sometimes people should understand that

+   Just because someone has a medical degree doesn’t make them always right

+   I’m stronger than I think

+   A few simple words can completely change your life

+   I’m very lucky to have some really special friends

+   I don’t cope well with mess

+   Being over-tired makes me horrible

+   I hate coming to the end of a really good book

+   It’s heartbreaking when someone you have always been there for can’t do the same for you

+   Pain turns me into a complete cow

+   I don’t deal with the heat very well

+   I don’t like change

+   I need to say yes more often

+   It’s interesting how a blast from the past can bring back so many thoughts and feelings

What to look out for in July

I tend to find I don’t watch as much TV during the summer, as the weather is so glorious that I’d rather be sitting outside with a cool glass of lemonade and a good book. But, for those days when it won’t stop raining and you’re looking to curl up on the sofa with a good film, there’s a couple of DVD releases in July that I’m quite excited about. On the 7^th July The Book Thief is due to be released, which I’m mega excited about, although I still really need to read the book before I see the film, so that’s probably going to take me a while! Perhaps I’ll get it done in time for my next monthly round up! The other film that I’m really excited to come out on DVD is The Lego Movie! I was desperate to see it when it first came out in the cinema, but unfortunately I wasn’t well enough so I’ve been patiently waiting for the DVD to come out. I won’t have to wait too much longer as it’s due for release on 21^st July – just in time for the summer holidays!

For someone who doesn’t watch much TV over the summer, I’m actually going to be talking about a lot of TV watching in this post! I swear I’m not a TV junkie – honest! I remember watching the first episode of Glee and knowing then that it was going to be something I got addicted to. I just can’t help by sing along and we now have the majority of the soundtracks. Well, if you’ve been missing the guys from over the pond they’re back on Sky One at the beginning of July with another series of songs, squabbles and Sue Sylvester.

I love to go to the cinema, but at the moment I’m just not well enough, which is a real shame as there are a few good films coming out throughout July that I wouldn’t mind going to see. The first to come out is ‘The Hundred-Year Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared.’ Phew, long title! I’m assuming that this will be based on the book by the same name (which is on my pile of books to read) so it will be interesting to catch this once I’ve read the book and see what it’s like. I’m one of those people who has to read the book first before I see the film, as otherwise I think it really spoils the way your imagination creates the scenes from the book. After this comes The Pudsey Movie on the 18^th July. You may be thinking this is something to do with Pudsey bear from Children in Need, but you’d be mistaken. It’s actually about a dog called Pudsey who won Britain’s Got Talent a few years ago. I’m intrigued to see this movie as I’m not quite sure what to expect and whether they’ll have been able to make a whole decent movie about a dancing dog. I guess the only way to find out is to see it, so I’ll be interested to hear your thoughts. Finally, another fairly light-hearted film will be released on the 25^th July called The House of Magic. It’s an animation, which I love (brings out my inner child!) about a stray cat called Thunder, who finds himself caught in a terrible storm and stumbles upon a strange house belonging to an old magician. After making himself at home there he then has to work with the other animals in the house to stop the magician from selling up. Not the kind of film that will get the cogs whirring, but perhaps one to see with your niece of nephew.

After all that talk of TV, I feel that I should add something more suitable for summer, and what better than good old English sunshine! I love England in the summer – we have so many beautiful parks and beaches that are just waiting for us to visit them. If you look on the National Trust website you’ll find a huge range of beautiful places to visit, from stately homes to beautiful gardens and everything in between. During the summer a lot of them put on special activities including nights of music, guided walks and fun for children of all ages. I’d definitely recommend becoming a member as I certainly get so much out of my membership, which allows you free entry to all National Trust places and you are sent magazines to wet your appetite!

The Vyne, a National Trust House and Gardens

Do you have any favourites or things you’ve learnt in June? What are you looking forward to in July?

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Sunday Spotlight - 29th June 2014

In my life this week…

BBC Radio Berkshire

This Wednesday I had a rather exciting day. After being nominated for a Beat Volunteer Award I was contacted by a press officer, asking if I would be interested in appearing on BBC Radio Berkshire. At the time I was saving my energy for the Houses of Parliament Awards Ceremony, so, with a heavy heart I had to decline. But a few weeks later I was contacted again by the same person, saying the BBC were still very interested to speak to me and were happy to fit around my health. How could I refuse?! So, on Wednesday, my Dad drove me over to BBC Monitoring in Caversham, where a lovely radio assistant greeted me. I was then taken into the studio and introduced to Anne Diamond, before going live on air for an interview about my eating disorder experiences. I’m planning to do a separate blog post going into more detail, so I won’t spoil it by telling you too much. However, if you want to listen back to my interview, it is available here until Wednesday 2^nd July. I start talking at about 10 minutes in.

New bras

Is it just me who loves buying new underwear?! There’s something about wearing pretty bras that makes me feel nicer than if I stick on an old discoloured bra. I haven’t bought any new underwear for ages, so this week I treated myself to a new bra haul from good old Marks and Spencer. They’re always my go-to shop for bras, as a trained lady can measure you and find a size that fits you perfectly. Typical me, I needed different sizes for different styles, so God knows what my size actually is! But I now have a whole new bra wardrobe and throwing my old manky ones away was very satisfying.

Buttons

I’m really getting back into my arts and crafts and have a whole variety of projects on the cards. Something I’m going into is starting my own little business, Jaffa Cat Designs; selling cards, scrabble art and button art. I’m so excited to get going with this and I’m currently making some example pieces that I can display on my website for people to view when they’re trying to decide what they’d like me to make. I will be doing custom, personalised pieces depending on what the customer is after. So I’ve been stocking up on materials, which included loads of pretty buttons. I never knew there were so many to choose from and I’ve been addicted to browsing eBay to find hidden gems.

Just as an aside – I’ve uploaded another video to my YouTube channel and I’d love you to check it out!

What has grabbed your attention this week? I love hearing about people’s new discoveries and you may end up sharing something that makes it onto my list next week!

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Life as a Singleton

I’ve been planning this post in my head for months but it’s taken me a while to get round to putting pen to paper (or typing to computer in this case!) Everyone will have experience of being single. Some people are only single for short amounts of time, whereas others, like myself, will go years without being in a relationship. I wanted to do a post that talked about what it’s like to be a long-term singleton, and look at the pros and cons of living a single life.

Although I’m 25, I’ve never really had a serious relationship. A lot of this is down to being chronically ill and simply not getting out to meet people. For the majority of my teenage life I was more concerned with issues relating to hospital tests and managing to get out of bed in the morning, and the thought of looking for a boyfriend didn’t really cross my mind. My last boyfriend was when I was 14 – we ‘went out’ for a while but I wouldn’t say it was serious and pretty soon we were going our separate ways. Don’t get me wrong, over the years I’ve thought about looking for a relationship and felt there was something missing in my life, a space that needed filling, but it just hasn’t happened.

As I get older, I’m starting to get more worried about the fact that I’ve been single for so long. I’m still unwell, which makes meeting someone more difficult, and I worry about the reaction I might get when someone finds out about my dating history. I’ve been on a few dates with various guys, but we’ve either not clicked or they’ve not been able to feel comfortable taking someone with a chronic illness on, which I find really sad. This has really affected my already low self-esteem, and I get times where I feel completely unlovable and have visions of myself being single forever, surrounded by cats!

I’ve spoken to other friends who have been single for a long time, usually due to illness, and there seems to be a similar feeling across the board of not feeling like an adult. I know for me, it feels like I’ve missed out on a massive part of growing up, and sometimes I still feel like a 14-year-old girl trapped in an adult body. People expect you to have lived experiences that most other young adults have lived, and when you explain to them that you haven’t actually been with a guy yet they look at you like you’re some sort of alien.

That’s not to say there aren’t good things about being single. For example, I can be completely selfish and do what I want, when I want. I don’t have to take someone else’s thoughts into account and if I want to have an early night or slob out in front of a chick flick then I can without explaining myself. I can spend my money on what I want, rather than having to share it with another person, so if I want to buy that new sparkly dress then that’s fine. And if I don’t want to shave my legs for a couple of weeks, then the only person that will be bothered by it is me (well, unless I go out in a skirt, in which case you may want to look away!)

Still, despite the advantages of being single, I’m kind of getting fed up of it now. I’m 25 and I want to meet someone I can share my life with. I want to start planning a life with someone – buy our own house, get a cat and talk about having children together. But more than that, I just want someone who will give me a hug whenever I’m feeling bad, who I can cuddle up to in the evening and watch crappy TV, or who can be my plus one when I’m invited to yet another wedding. But it doesn’t seem to be that easy, especially when you’re not well. I’ve met guys who’ve shown an interest, then they find out I’m chronically ill or have mental health problems and you can’t see them for dust.

It’s really hard being single, especially when it’s because people can’t accept you for who you are. I get really sad when I see friends in happy relationships. I don’t like to be thought of as a jealous person, and it’s great that my friends are happy, but I sometimes wonder if I will ever get my happy ever after.

Have you been single for a long time? Or have you always been in serious relationships? I’d love to hear what you think about it all

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"Would you rather..." Beauty Edition Tag

I was recently tagged by Becky over at Coffee, Beauty and Life to do the “Would you rather…” Beauty Edition Tag. I always think tags are quite fun, as you get to know more about the person behind the blog and I’m one of those people who loves to fill things in and answer questions! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Would you rather lose all of your mascaras, eyeliners, lipsticks, and lip-glosses or lose all of your palettes and eye shadows?

I think I would cope OK if I lost my palettes and eye shadows, as I’m pretty terrible at applying eye shadow without looking like a clown. However, if I were to lose my mascara, eyeliner, lipsticks and lip-glosses I would struggle on the days I wear make-up, as these products make up a pretty big section of my beauty routine!

Would you rather chop all your hair off or never be able to cut it again?

This is a bit of a difficult one, because as mortifying as I would find it to lose all my hair, the thought of never being able to cut it would also fill me with dread. Don’t you hate it when you’re due a cut and blow dry and you’ve got split ends and your hair just feels like it’s hanging round your face with no shape or volume. Still, I think I’d rather have hair to play around with than having no hair at all. My hair already falls out quite a bit and I do get scared that one day it will become a bigger problem, so I think I’d chose to never cut it again.

Would you rather have coral cheek or pink cheek?

This is pretty easy for me as my favourite colour is pink and it definitely suits me more than coral shades!

If you had £1000 to spend, would you rather buy clothes or make up?

Can I not choose to buy both?! I think I would probably go for clothes because that encapsulates so much – shoes, dresses, trousers, tops, hats, accessories…you’d get more choice for your money than if you had to just buy beauty products I think. Plus I don’t tend to buy masses of make-up because I’m rubbish at applying it!

Would you rather apply lipstick as eyeliner, or eyeliner as lipstick?

Well to be honest I’d rather not do either, but if I had to I’d apply eyeliner as lipstick and choose a pink toned one (is that cheating?!)

Would you rather only shop at MAC or Sephora?

I’ve never shopped in Sephora before (I know, bad blogger!) and I am a big fan of Mac; however I think I’d probably choose Sephora because I’d have more choice and could find more products that suited my budget.

Would you rather only use one eye shadow colour or one lip colour for the rest of your life?

I’d definitely stick to one lip colour. I’ve found that I tend to buy similar lip colours anyway; whereas with eye shadows there are so many colours to choose from I’d hate to be limited to one colour forever!

Would you rather wear winter clothes in summer or summer clothes in winter?

I hate being too hot but I also hate being too cold, so this question is really difficult. I’d probably go for wearing summer clothes in winter and then permanently attach myself to a radio or cover myself in a blanket, as the thought of melting in winter clothes in the middle of summer just sounds like torture.

Would you rather have dark nails or bright nails all year round?

Definitely bright nails as I love to cheer myself up with brightly coloured nail varnishes, and you can find a colour suitable for any time of year.

Would you rather give up your favourite lip colour or favourite eye product?

It would have to be the lip colour as I use a lot more products on my eye area and I don’t think I could give those up easily.

Would you rather only be able to wear your hair in a ponytail or a messy bun?

I’m definitely a ponytail girl so this question is pretty simple to answer. If I had to wear a ponytail for the rest of my life I wouldn’t be too worried!

Would you rather never be able to paint your nails again or never use lip-gloss?

I’d never use lip-gloss, as I love painting my nails way too much!

Would you rather shave your eyebrows and have none at all or sharpie them in every day?

I think doing either would be pretty awful, but if I had to choose I would shave them, as I’d hate to get it wrong with a sharpie and look constantly surprised or angry!

Would you rather live without make up or nail polish?

This is really difficult! I love to paint my nails and I think it’s a great way to cheer yourself up if you’re feeling a bit down, but then I look like a ghost without make up so I can’t imagine feeling confident enough to go places without it. Plus it’s a Godsend when you need to cover up blemishes or dark circles, so I guess I’d live without nail varnish.

I’d like to tag the following ladies from some of my favourite blogs:

Victoria at Victoria's Vintage

Becky at Milk Bubble Tea

Emma at Milkteef

Charlotte at Lipglossiping

Jennie at Sailboat

Victoria at Inthefrow

And anyone else that fancies giving it a go!

Let me know if you do your own post as I’d love to read it

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The Idea Owl*

By complete fluke we seem to be on a bit of a stationery theme this week, but hey, you can never get enough of cute stationery can you?! Like I’ve said in previous posts, I love discovering new small businesses. I sometimes get a bit bored of seeing the same old stuff in chains of shops; so individual stores offer something a bit different, which is always lovely. I recently came across Donna at The Idea Owl on Instagram and was bowled over by her cute stationery products. For ages I simply followed her updates on Instagram, and then Facebook, swooning over the photos being posted each day of new, fun products. After I while I decided to drop Donna a message, asking if she might be interested in working with me on a blog post and thankfully she said yes!

She very kindly agreed to send me a parcel of products for review and I was beyond excited when this package arrived, sporting an Idea Owl sticker on the back. What’s great about this little store is that Donna only gets a certain number of products in, and once they are sold out she buys something different, so you’re less likely to have something that everyone else has, which I really love.

Inside were a selection of beautifully wrapped packages, each enclosed in a different coloured paper. They looked so pretty I didn’t want to open them at first!

I carefully unwrapped the individual parcels and was greeted by gorgeous product after gorgeous product. Donna had put so much thought into what she sent me to review, basing a lot of the products on my love for my black cat, Jaffa.

These black cat point markers will be so incredibly useful when I start back at college in September, making my notes look pretty while allowing me to mark sections of text to read back over later.

If I’m not in the mood for marking with a black cat, then I’ve also got these funky colourful shapes to try out too!

I’m a bit addicted to washi tapes at the moment, so was really excited to see these two included in my review parcel. The great thing about these is that they’re not too patterned, so will be perfect to use in my college work to make it look a bit more fun.

I love these cat post-it notes and that fact that they’re pink is even better! I’m always using post-it notes to leave myself reminders around the house; so using these will hopefully make those boring reminders a little more exciting.

As far as I’m concerned you can never have enough notebooks and this little book will be perfect for slipping in my handbag for jotting down ideas when I’m out and about. I really love the simple design and phrase ‘Life is like water.’

You can’t possibly buy stationery without picking up a few pens. I’m constantly on the look out for pens as I do so much letter writing that I get through a hell of a lot. Rather than just using boring black ball point pens, I always like to use more colourful products, so these will be great for my letter writing to pen pals.

These products are probably one of my favourites that Donna sent me, because they remind me so much of my cat, Jaffa. The Memo notes will be so useful as usually I write memos on bits of paper that have a habit of getting lost when they fall off the side. Being able to stick these to a surface should help make sure the memo gets to the person it needs to. And the little sticky notes will be fantastic when I’m back at college and need to mark pages in my textbooks.

I absolutely love stickers and have a folder that I keep mine in, which I like to keep adding to. As I’ve said, I write a lot of letters to pen pals, and I like to decorate these with cute stickers to make them more interesting. I’m so excited to use these new stickers from The Idea Owl, as they’re so darn cute!

Finally, are these lovely writing papers; perfect for my letter writing escapades. I’m always on the look out for cute writing sets, so would definitely recommend taking a look at The Idea Owl website if you’re looking for something similar. Overall I am so impressed with both the products and the service Donna provides and would definitely recommend checking out her website if, like me, you’re a bit mad about stationery!

*These products were sent to me by The Idea Owl to review

Do you like stationery as much as I do? Will you be checking out The Idea Owl for some stationery products of your own?

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Stationery Haul

I’m sure you know by now that I’m a bit mad on stationery. I always have been, for as long as I can remember. I used to get so excited about going back to school in September because it meant I could head to WHSmith or Rymans with my Mum and stock up on a new pencil case, colouring pencils, cute erasers and folders. At the moment I’m not studying, so I’ve really missed having an excuse to buy stationery. However, I do write a lot of letters and use that as an excuse to buy cute stickers and pretty pens. I’m also starting on a couple of scrapbook projects, so, again, another good excuse!

Recently I bought a massive haul of products from one of my favourite stationery shops, Paperchase. I could seriously get lost on the Paperchase website or in the store and I often spend hours just looking at all the pretty things (that I really don’t need!) convincing myself that I need another glue stick because this one’s pink!

Rather than write about what I bought, I thought I’d do a little video for you, as I’m really getting into this vlogging thing! To check out what I bought, just click through this link, sit back with a cuppa and enjoy.

Are you a stationery fanatic? Do you find any excuse to treat yourself to new pens and stickers? Where is your favourite place to stock up from?

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My Quest for the Perfect Cuppa - Whittards, Redbush, Tick Tock and Clipper* edition

A couple of weeks ago you’ll remember that I started a new series of posts searching for the perfect cup of tea. I went through a selection of teas I was sent from Tetley, giving my opinion on each different one. I’ve continued to explore a huge variety of teas and am ready for my next post, which, this time, includes a large range of brands from Clipper to Redbush.

The first brand I tried were the Clipper teas, as I’ve tasted some of their range before and knew how good they were! They also now use pyramid tea bags, which are meant to give you more taste as there is a larger surface area for the leaves to infuse through.

I’ll continue in the way I started with in my last post, giving my opinion on each individual tea, before coming to a conclusion at the end.

Pure Green Tea

I’m usually quite a fan of Green Tea, as I love how clean and fresh it tastes. Unfortunately though I was a bit disappointed with this brand – I found it incredibly bitter, which was a real shame. However, a friend of mine has told me to try adding a small amount of cold water first, to stop the leaves from being scorched, so I’m going to give that a try and see if it makes a difference.

Blueberry and Elderberry

I love fruit teas but am often disappointed that the gorgeous scent doesn’t translate to the taste. I was pleasantly surprised by this flavour though, because, as well as having a lovely scent, it had the taste to match it!

Apple and Rhubarb

This was another flavour with a delicious scent and, although the taste was equally lovely, I felt it could have been a little stronger, so perhaps I didn’t leave the tea bag in for long enough.

The next brand I tried was Redbush, which I must admit I’d not heard of before I did a Google search for brands of tea. I think I just tend to always go for the same brands so don’t tend to look too closely at other brands, so I’m glad I’m doing this quest because it’s giving me the opportunity to discover new brands.

Chai Rooibos

I’d never tried a chai tea before, but have heard a lot of hype about it from various friends, so was excited to give it a go. I added a bit of soya milk to this, although it can be drunk without. I enjoyed the warming nice taste and this is definitely something I would buy again.

Original Rooibos

Again, I added a little soya milk to this blend and found it to be perfect for an afternoon chill out in front of the TV. It had a rich, warm taste that wrapped me in its arms and helped me relax.

Citrus Rooibos

I had this blend without milk and really loved the citrus kick that came alongside the warming nature of the rooibos tea.

After the Redbush teas, I then tried a brand called Tick Tock. Again, I hadn’t heard of this brand before I was sent them to sample, but was really impressed with the flavours.

Rooibos Detox – Restore and Renew

This tea definitely lived up to its name, with a refreshing clean taste that was also warm and comforting. I think I did actually feel slightly restored after sitting down to a cup of this!

Rooibos Vanilla Chai

I love the flavour of vanilla as I find it incredibly comforting – it always reminds me of making fairy cakes with my Mum and Gran. This had a warming quality to it with delicate hints of vanilla.

If you’re a fan of tea and anything like me, you can’t walk past a Whittards without popping in to try samples of teas and browse the gorgeous chinaware. I hadn’t actually bought any Whittards teas to try for this quest, as after purchasing a few other brands my bank balance was looking a little wobbly. However, I needed to place an order online for a present for someone else and couldn’t resist popping some tea in my basket.

Strawberry and Vanilla - Hot

I’ve tried a couple of their instant teas before, but thought this flavour would be perfect for this summer weather. It is incredibly sweet – my Mum referred to it as a liquid strawberry split! If you’ve got a sweet tooth this should satisfy any cravings with it’s strong but delicate taste.

Strawberry and Vanilla - Cold

The great thing about Whittards instant tea is that it can be drunk hot or cold. I decided to try it over ice, and actually preferred it to the hot version. It makes a fantastic summer drink and was deliciously refreshing. There was a bit of sludge left at the bottom of my glass, but in a way this was good as I think it took away some of the sickly sweet flavour and made it more drinkable.

It’s so difficult to pick a favourite from all of these brands and flavours, as they’re all so different. I would definitely recommend the Whittards iced tea for the summer weather, and was quite taken with Blueberry and Elderberry Clipper flavour.

*Teabags were gifted to me by Clipper, Redbush and Tick Tock

Are you a fan of any of these brands, or is there another brand you prefer? What is your favourite type of tea of the ones I’ve reviewed today?

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