Little Things to help your Mental Health - Making a Good Things Jar

I thought I would start a new series of posts on my blog, talking about some of the little things that I’ve found can help with my mental health. Whilst it’s important to seek professional help for mental health problems and access treatments like medication and therapy, sometimes it’s the little day-to-day actions that can get us through the hard times. So I wanted to start by talking to you about something I’ve been doing for quite a few years now, which I find really helps with my depression and anxiety. A Good Things Jar!

I originally got the idea to make one of these from browsing on Pinterest and have been using it ever since. You might see it called a few different things – a Good Things Jar, a Happy Jar or a Jar of Gratitude, but they’re all pretty much the same idea, so you can call it whatever you fancy. All you need to make it is a glass jar (or any kind of tub – whatever suits you best), some paper and a pen. It’s as easy as that! I started off by decorating my jar to make it look a bit more pretty and also so that I could immediately tell what it was whenever I looked at it. I found the ‘Good Things’ label again, on Pinterest and just stuck it onto my jar with a bit of invisible tape. You can find all sorts of printable labels to choose from, or if you’d rather make your own that would work just as well. I also decided to tie a bit of ribbon around the neck of the jar, just because I thought it made it look pretty, but you can decorate your jar in whatever way you fancy.

When you’re struggling with your mental health (or even if you don’t have a mental health condition but are prone to feeling a bit glum) it can often be difficult to see the good things in life. I know when I’m going through a down patch with my mental health, my brain automatically focuses on the negatives – it’s been such a bad day, I haven’t got any friends, I’m such a failure for getting a bad mark on my work… it goes on and on. But actually, even if it has been a bad day, more often than not there will still be something positive to come out of a negative situation. For example, I may have received a bad mark on my essay, but I also received a nice text from my best friend that really made me smile. Or it’s been a really crappy day because I’ve been in hospital having an operation, but actually, that cup of tea I had after surgery was the best cup of tea I’ve had in a while! But it’s these good things that will often go straight over our head, and get forgotten in the space of a few minutes. For some reason, it always seems to be the bad things that we remember and focus on. If I look back at the last week, I can probably tell you everything that went wrong, every time I felt more unwell and everything that I regret doing/not doing. But off the top of my head, I’m struggling to think of anything particularly good that happened. And that’s where your Good Things Jar comes in.

Any time anything good happens, you simply write it down on a piece of paper, fold it up and pop it in your jar. I like to use rainbow coloured paper – a different colour for each month – to make my jar look particularly happy. But you can choose whatever you want. Some people even put other bits and pieces in their jar – cinema tickets, a note from a friend, or a train ticket from your day out. The main thing with this is that it doesn’t have to be big events (although you can put those in there too!) – it’s the little events that you would normally forget that really need to go in your jar. Something as simple as feeling the sun on your face, seeing some beautiful daffodils starting to bloom or enjoying a bubble bath after a stressful day. Then, at the end of the year, you can empty out your jar and remind yourself of all the good things that have happened throughout the year. I’m still trying to decide what to do with all my bits of paper after the year is over, so if you have any ideas please let me know! It’s also a lovely thing to look at during the year whenever you’re feeling down – simply glancing over at my jar helps me to realise that however bad things are in that moment, I know that there is always light in the darkness.

There’s been a lot of scientific research into the power of gratitude and it’s amazing how simply being thankful for the good things can have such a positive impact on our lives. It’s been found to improve our physical health, improve our psychological health, help us to sleep better, improve our self-esteem and increase our overall mental strength. Just by being thankful for what we do have and noticing the good things in our lives! And the great thing is, anyone can do it! I particularly like the idea of a Good Things Jar because I’m quite a visual person and like to be able to have a physical representation of my gratitude. But other people prefer to use a gratitude journal instead, and write three things they are grateful for before going to bed each night. However you decide to notice the good things, the most important thing is that you keep doing it. This quote from Harry Potter is one of my favourites, and I think it really fits with the idea of looking for positives amongst the negatives:

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of places, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Albus Dumbledore

Do you have a Good Things Jar or Gratitude Journal? Or is it something you might do after reading this post? What other little things help you to manage your mental health that I might be able to blog about?

Follow me on Bloglovin, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+ and YouTube

Living with Chronic Mental Health Problems - An Update

It’s been a while since I’ve posted – over a month to be precise – and I wanted to try and explain why. I’ve got other posts I want to get up; my third week at Stanmore and a review of a photo printing service, but I didn’t feel able to just jump straight back in without talking to you about why I’ve been so quiet. I’ve been trying to think about how to write this post for a few weeks, and every time I’ve thought about it I’ve just put it off and hidden myself away more. I guess sometimes it just feels easier to push everyone away, stop talking and hibernate because then you don’t have to face the real world and deal with things.

If you’re a regular reader then you will probably be aware that I struggle with both physical and mental health problems. I try to be open about them, but at the same time try not to let them take over everything. But sometimes it’s incredibly hard to stop them. For the last month or so, my mental health has basically got to crisis point. I don’t want this post to turn into a ‘woe is me’ monologue or a giant moan, but I do want to be honest. I want people to understand what having a long-term mental illness is like and I want other people out there who are going through something similar to not feel alone.

I’ve felt my mental health dipping for the last few months if I’m really honest with myself, but it’s only the last month or so that it’s really crashed. My mood has been incredibly low – I keep crying, I’ve shut myself off from friends and family, negative thoughts have been racing round my head and I’ve been suicidal. It’s scary, it really is. No matter how long you deal with these symptoms, it doesn’t get any easier. Yes, I’ve learnt things along my journey, but when those suicidal thoughts start kicking in, I feel powerless against them. Going through scenarios in my head of how I will end my life is distressing. It’s terrifying because it feels so real and I feel so close to actually doing something. All I want is for the pain to stop – to stop feeling like I’m drowning, sinking through quicksand. I want to be able to breathe freely and to go to bed without crying myself to sleep. I’ve gone from seeing life in colour, to having that vibrancy drained so that everything looks gloomy and grey. It’s a struggle to get out of bed in the morning and to find the motivation to do anything productive. My anxiety is through the roof. Just leaving the house fills me with dread in case I see someone and have to talk to them. But I keep pushing myself because if I stop, I don’t think I’ll ever start again. Even when I try to sleep, nightmares plague me. I self-harm to try and cope with things – it helps for a bit, and then it all just starts again.

It’s really hard to describe what it’s like to be mentally unwell because sometimes there just aren’t the words to explain how rubbish things can be. I first accessed help for my mental health at the age of 15, but looking back I can see I was struggling for years before that. I’ve been through a whole list of diagnoses – clinical depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia, borderline personality disorder and cyclothymia. At the moment they’ve decided to call it a mixed personality disorder, because apparently I don’t fit into a typical box. Along the way, I’ve tried different treatments and interventions – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Inpatient treatment, medication, psychology, counselling, STEPPS group and probably more that I can’t remember. And although outwardly things might seem better, inside it’s just as much of a struggle as it has always been.

Unfortunately, because I’ve had all of this help in the past, it is now becoming increasingly difficult to get help. The system just doesn’t seem to be set up to support people with complex, long-term mental health conditions. When things went downhill I reached out for help – I told my GP I didn’t feel safe, but she didn’t know what to do to help. I was already in the process of being assessed for psychotherapy, so told the psychotherapist I was suicidal and she referred me to the rapid response mental health team. But they didn’t even assess me, and instead discharged me saying they couldn’t provide any more help than they had already. I went to a place called The Safe Haven, which is an alternative to A&E for people in a mental health crisis. They’ve probably been the most helpful in all of this, in that they give me a safe space to go where I can sit and colour or at least talk to a psychiatric nurse. But they can’t provide long-term treatment.

My psychotherapy assessment has now been completed, and they have said they can offer me group therapy, but they don’t know how long the wait will be. I don’t want to be ungrateful because I know how hard it is to get any kind of treatment, but there are things I need to work through that I can’t possibly talk about in a group. I told the psychotherapist this, but felt like my views weren’t listened to, which left me feeling frustrated and alone. I had an appointment with the psychologist at Stanmore recently, and he was disappointed that they hadn’t been able to offer some individual support, as he believes it’s what I really need to move forwards. But he admitted that because of mental health funding issues, it’s unlikely the NHS will be able to offer the treatment I need. So he’s suggested that I see a private therapist.

I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place – if I don’t get the help I need then I’m really not sure how much longer I can continue, but I’m not sure where I’m going to find the money to pay for it. Being unwell for so long has worn me down and it’s difficult to picture things ever getting better. I’m constantly overwhelmed by thoughts like ‘What if I never feel any better?’ or ‘What am I doing wrong?’ I’ve tried so many different things over the years, and it’s really disheartening when nothing seems to work. It’s very easy to feel worthless and undeserving of getting better when you’re continually turned away from help and support, even when I try and remind myself that a lot of it comes down to funding and availability. But my brain just won’t listen to reasoning sometimes, and instead just tells me that if the NHS won’t help me through this crisis then I don’t deserve support. It is really hard when you’re told to ask for help if you’re feeling so low you want to end your life, but when you do reach out you’re told no one will help you. I can’t stop myself feeling like you only get taken seriously when it’s too late.

Recently I have just felt very alone and not known where else to turn. And that’s one of the reasons I wanted to share all this, because I know there are other people out there going through similar experiences. Feeling like no one cares, listens, understands or even notices that you’re falling apart inside. I want those people to know that they’re not alone in feeling like this. Although I can’t fix the things that are making you struggle, I can understand and walk through the journey with you. There’s a lot of power in peer support – unlike a psychiatrist or a doctor, we know exactly what it’s like to want to die and to struggle to see through the fog. And that empathy allows us to give each other a kind of love and support that professionals simply cannot provide.

This crisis has got me thinking a lot about my life and myself. I’ve started colouring when I feel really bad – it definitely doesn’t take away the struggles I’m having, but it does distract and calm me, especially if I go to the Safe Haven to do it. I’m trying to take things a day at a time, and even little things like getting dressed or brushing my teeth I’m trying to see as an achievement. I’ve also been thinking a lot about my blog and YouTube channel. I think I needed the time away, but I do miss them and really want to push myself to get back to them. But I want to make a few changes. I want to shake up my Sunday posts a bit and would also like to focus a lot more on mental and physical health issues, tips, advice and information. I’m not going to stop posting about beauty, fashion and various other lifestyle things (like tea!) but I do want to bring in more of the health stuff too, because it’s such a big part of my life and I’d like to try and help others. I want to raise awareness and I want to improve services – the only way that will happen is by us talking.

I’m sorry this has been quite a long, all over the place post! I hope it’s made some sense, explained where I’m at right now and perhaps helped you if you struggle with mental health problems as well. I’d like to finish by signposting you to The Samaritans (http://www.samaritans.org) who have been a real lifesaver to me recently. You can phone or email them any time, day or night, and they will listen without judgement to anything you have to say.

How have you been recently? Do you struggle with mental health problems and relate to what I’ve written?

Follow me on Bloglovin, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+ and YouTube