Why Coronation Street's storyline about suicide is so important

*TW – Discussion of suicide that some people may find triggering

The storylines on Corrie recently have been nothing short of hard-hitting. With Bethany Platt’s grooming, David Platt’s male rape and Pat Phelan’s reign of terror, we’re definitely seeing a darker side to one of Britain’s best-loved soaps. But their latest storyline that saw character Aidan Connor (played amazingly by actor Shayne Ward) take his life has had a particularly big impact. It’s very rare that I watch a soap and feel compelled to talk about it, but those scenes of Aidan sitting in The Rovers with muffled sounds of everyone around him laughing and joking really resonated with me. I’ve been there, and it’s a scary and lonely place to be. As someone that has both attempted suicide on numerous occasions and has also lost friends to suicide, I felt I couldn’t pass Mental Health Awareness Week (14^th-20^thMay 2018) by without discussing how important Corrie’s latest storyline is. 

Whilst just the act of talking about mental health and suicide is hugely important, especially for a soap that reaches so many people in their living rooms every day, this storyline in particular addressed a couple of elements that I feel are vital for people to understand. Firstly, the fact the story depicted male suicide is a huge step towards addressing some of the largest myths and misconceptions around suicide, and mental illness more generally. Despite people as famous as William and Harry talking about mental health problems, there still seems to be a stigma around men admitting that they are struggling with illnesses like depression or anxiety. 

But according to a report by The Samaritans, suicide is the most common cause of death for men aged between 20-49, and across the UK, male suicide rates remain consistently higher than female suicide rates – most notably five times higher in the Republic of Ireland and three times in the UK. 84 men take their own life each week. That’s 84 preventable deaths every single week. These statistics just can’t be argued with, and show just how big a problem mental illness is, particularly amongst young and middle-aged men (such as the character Aidan Connor). 

Yet there is still such a culture in our society that men should ‘man up’ and not express their feelings. It’s no wonder that so many lives are being lost when a lot of men still feel that they can’t admit to finding things hard or having difficult thoughts. That’s why Coronation Street bringing up the issue of male suicide is so important. Aidan Connor always came across as a very happy, friendly and popular man who had everything together, even if he did make a few mistakes along the way. I expect a lot of men could probably identify with him, and so by exposing his vulnerabilities and the consequences of him not opening up to his family, my hope is that others will realise that it’s OK to talk about your feelings. 

The other element of the story that I feel is really important is spotting the subtle signs that someone might be feeling suicidal. Since the episode aired last week, I have heard so many people talking about how Aidan’s suicide seemed to come out of nowhere. But actually, in retrospect we can see a few small but important signs dating back weeks and even months. For example, there was a point when Aidan gave away his expensive watch to Maria’s young son, Liam. Maria was slightly puzzled by it and took it back to Aidan, but it didn’t cross her mind that this gesture could be a sign of something more serious. And when Aidan went to visit Eva in the cottage, he asked her to dance and told her he had come to say goodbye. Again, Eva didn’t realise that this was Aidan’s way of tying up loose ends and saying his final goodbyes to those he loved.

Like I said earlier in this post, I have attempted suicide on quite a few occasions, so I know how much I kept from family and friends. On the outside, to most, I probably appeared to be perfectly fine. But on the inside and behind closed doors, I was fighting a battle that I felt I was losing. I also know that I didn’t see the signs in the people I loved who sadly took their own lives, or attempted to. Sometimes these signs can be so subtle or hidden that it’s incredibly hard to spot them and someone’s suicide can appear to happen out of nowhere. 

But there are signs that some people display that could prompt us to ask questions about their wellbeing, and I thought it was important to share these with you. So, warning signs that someone could be thinking about suicide include:

·     Always talking or thinking about death

·     Feeling depressed, anxious or withdrawn

·     Displaying risky behaviour such as driving fast, crossing the road without looking etc.

·     Losing interest in things they used to care about

·     Making comments about being hopeless, helpless, overwhelmed or worthless

·     Putting their affairs in order – tying up loose ends, giving away possessions, changing or making a will

·     Saying things like “it would be better if I wasn’t here” or “I’ve had enough”

·     A sudden change from being very sad to being very calm or even happy

·     Talking about suicide or killing themselves

·     Visiting or calling people to say goodbye

·     While self-harm is not directly related to suicide there is research to suggest that individuals who self-harm are more at risk of attempting or contemplating suicide

As you can probably see, a lot of these signs could easily be missed or not given a second thought, and not everyone will display all (or any) of them. But I hope that by sharing these, it will perhaps make people a bit more aware of those around them and will lead to questions and support if you notice something. But bigger than that, I hope that Aidan’s storyline will prompt more people to speak out about their struggles without fear of being judged. And I hope it will encourage more people to simply ask the question “How are you?” or “Are you OK?” and actually stick around to listen to the reply. We live in such a busy world these days, but simply stopping to talk and listen for a few minutes can be life changing. 

Suicide is preventable, but only if we as a society work together to help those that are struggling. Suicide isn’t selfish or an easy way out. It is a last resort for someone who has become so overwhelmed by difficult feelings that they simply don’t know where else to turn or how to carry on. But by campaigning for better support to be in place, from both mental health services, and us, we can make a difference and save lives. And this Coronation Street storyline is another step towards raising awareness of mental health and suicide.

If you, or anyone you know, need someone to talk to, I can recommend The Samaritans. You can call them free any time, from any phone on 116 123and you don’t have to be suicidal to call them. They also have an email address if you don’t want to talk on the phone, although you won’t get an immediate response – jo@samaritans.org

What are your thoughts on Aidan’s storyline? 

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Little Things to help your Mental Health - Making a Good Things Jar

I thought I would start a new series of posts on my blog, talking about some of the little things that I’ve found can help with my mental health. Whilst it’s important to seek professional help for mental health problems and access treatments like medication and therapy, sometimes it’s the little day-to-day actions that can get us through the hard times. So I wanted to start by talking to you about something I’ve been doing for quite a few years now, which I find really helps with my depression and anxiety. A Good Things Jar!

I originally got the idea to make one of these from browsing on Pinterest and have been using it ever since. You might see it called a few different things – a Good Things Jar, a Happy Jar or a Jar of Gratitude, but they’re all pretty much the same idea, so you can call it whatever you fancy. All you need to make it is a glass jar (or any kind of tub – whatever suits you best), some paper and a pen. It’s as easy as that! I started off by decorating my jar to make it look a bit more pretty and also so that I could immediately tell what it was whenever I looked at it. I found the ‘Good Things’ label again, on Pinterest and just stuck it onto my jar with a bit of invisible tape. You can find all sorts of printable labels to choose from, or if you’d rather make your own that would work just as well. I also decided to tie a bit of ribbon around the neck of the jar, just because I thought it made it look pretty, but you can decorate your jar in whatever way you fancy.

When you’re struggling with your mental health (or even if you don’t have a mental health condition but are prone to feeling a bit glum) it can often be difficult to see the good things in life. I know when I’m going through a down patch with my mental health, my brain automatically focuses on the negatives – it’s been such a bad day, I haven’t got any friends, I’m such a failure for getting a bad mark on my work… it goes on and on. But actually, even if it has been a bad day, more often than not there will still be something positive to come out of a negative situation. For example, I may have received a bad mark on my essay, but I also received a nice text from my best friend that really made me smile. Or it’s been a really crappy day because I’ve been in hospital having an operation, but actually, that cup of tea I had after surgery was the best cup of tea I’ve had in a while! But it’s these good things that will often go straight over our head, and get forgotten in the space of a few minutes. For some reason, it always seems to be the bad things that we remember and focus on. If I look back at the last week, I can probably tell you everything that went wrong, every time I felt more unwell and everything that I regret doing/not doing. But off the top of my head, I’m struggling to think of anything particularly good that happened. And that’s where your Good Things Jar comes in.

Any time anything good happens, you simply write it down on a piece of paper, fold it up and pop it in your jar. I like to use rainbow coloured paper – a different colour for each month – to make my jar look particularly happy. But you can choose whatever you want. Some people even put other bits and pieces in their jar – cinema tickets, a note from a friend, or a train ticket from your day out. The main thing with this is that it doesn’t have to be big events (although you can put those in there too!) – it’s the little events that you would normally forget that really need to go in your jar. Something as simple as feeling the sun on your face, seeing some beautiful daffodils starting to bloom or enjoying a bubble bath after a stressful day. Then, at the end of the year, you can empty out your jar and remind yourself of all the good things that have happened throughout the year. I’m still trying to decide what to do with all my bits of paper after the year is over, so if you have any ideas please let me know! It’s also a lovely thing to look at during the year whenever you’re feeling down – simply glancing over at my jar helps me to realise that however bad things are in that moment, I know that there is always light in the darkness.

There’s been a lot of scientific research into the power of gratitude and it’s amazing how simply being thankful for the good things can have such a positive impact on our lives. It’s been found to improve our physical health, improve our psychological health, help us to sleep better, improve our self-esteem and increase our overall mental strength. Just by being thankful for what we do have and noticing the good things in our lives! And the great thing is, anyone can do it! I particularly like the idea of a Good Things Jar because I’m quite a visual person and like to be able to have a physical representation of my gratitude. But other people prefer to use a gratitude journal instead, and write three things they are grateful for before going to bed each night. However you decide to notice the good things, the most important thing is that you keep doing it. This quote from Harry Potter is one of my favourites, and I think it really fits with the idea of looking for positives amongst the negatives:

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of places, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Albus Dumbledore

Do you have a Good Things Jar or Gratitude Journal? Or is it something you might do after reading this post? What other little things help you to manage your mental health that I might be able to blog about?

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March Happiness Project Round-Up

If you’ve seen my last few posts like this, you will know that this year I decided to give my own Happiness Project another go after failing a bit with the last one I tried. If you’ve never heard of The Happiness Project before, you can check out my introduction to it here. I made a sort of bucket list for each month of things I would like to do and also national days I could celebrate. Some I came up with myself, and some I found on Pinterest. But I made sure not to put any pressure on myself to do them all because that would just take away from the whole idea of it being a project to increase my happiness! I said in that post that I would share my project with you over the year, so today I thought I would go through the things I did throughout March. I’m afraid I’m a bit behind with my posts (and videos) for this, but I’m gradually catching up!

First on my March list was to buy a pastel floral arrangement. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, something I have tried to include every month on my list is to buy some fresh flowers for my bedroom. So, each month I have specified the type of flowers to look out for – usually it’s something that fits with the time of year, and it gives me a reason to perhaps buy flowers I wouldn’t normally go for. I’m a big lover of pastel colours anyway, especially during the spring months, so this bouquet it definitely something I would pick out. I thought this mixed bunch of tulips from Waitrose were absolutely beautiful. I love that they have two different colours in each flower – I thought they were a bit more unusual than some of the others they had on the stand.

I have a ridiculous number of candles – in fact, I have a whole drawer dedicated to my candle collection (oops!) So I decided to set the goal of lighting spring candles for this month. I had a good look through my collection and picked out this Yankee Candle in Fresh Cut Roses, which just reminds me of a spring garden with all the flowers starting to bloom. Plus it’s pink, which obviously helps matters! It has quite a subtle scent when you burn it, but it’s enough to make you feel like spring is on the way. And it lingers even once you’ve blown out the flame, which I really like.

My next goal on my list was to do some spring-cleaning. Now, I did do a bit of this, but couldn’t really work out how to represent it in a photo, so you’ll have to trust me on this one! To be honest I clean, sort and tidy all year round, as I don’t like the idea of just leaving it until the spring. However, I think this time of year gives you the opportunity to perhaps do a bit more of a deep clean, so giving the house a blitz by vacuuming, mopping, dusting and turning out. Unfortunately I didn’t do as much as I would have liked, as my health and Uni got in the way, but the important thing was that I did something and that made me feel like I’d achieved something.

One of the things I was most excited to do from my list was to go and see some baby animals. There’s nothing cuter than tiny animals and the best time to see them is in the spring. So, I did a bit of research and found Finkley Down Farm, which isn’t too far away from where I live. I invited along my Mum, brother (David) and sister-in-law (Emma) and thankfully we chose a nice sunny March Saturday to head over. The whole farm was pretty easy to get around in my wheelchair and we saw so many gorgeous baby animals. I bottle fed a lamb, which was awesome, and we saw piglets, baby goats, chicks and ducklings – so cute! After our morning at the farm, we went for a little drive and found a lovely pub to have some lunch at.

Now we move onto the national days I managed to observe/celebrate in March. The 2^nd of March was ‘World Book Day’ and the only thing I could really think to do was to read a book! I’ve been finding it hard to find the motivation or time to read over the last few months, so I made sure to go up to bed a bit earlier than I usually would so I could just relax a read a couple of chapters of this Cecelia Ahern book. It’s something I really want to make more of an effort to do because I absolutely love to read – it helps me to calm down in an evening. Plus I have a bookshelf absolutely jam packed full of books I’ve bought and not read yet!

Then, on the 24^th of March came ‘Red Nose Day’. I didn’t do anything specifically for it – it kind of feels like once I stopped going to school I seemed to stop dressing up or doing silly things to raise money. Maybe I need to push myself to do something another year, although I do already do things to raise money and awareness for other charities. I was actually in hospital for day surgery on that Friday, but I did watch some of the programme on TV when I came home, and also caught up on some of the bits I missed (like James Cordon’s Car Pool Karaoke and the remake of Love Actually!) on my iPad.

Last but not least, on the 26^th of March it was Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, because I’d only had my day surgery a couple of days before, I wasn’t really well enough to treat my Mum to lunch out or anything like that. I spent most of the day sleeping – not how I would choose to pamper my Mum on her special day! I had ordered her some flowers to be delivered though, which she seemed to really love, and I also gave her a card. Richard and Lisa came over for dinner in the evening, which was really nice even if I did have to keep resting. So hopefully I can treat my Mum to something a bit more special at another opportunity to make up for a bit of a quiet day.

So that was everything I managed to do in March. I feel like I didn’t manage much of my list, but like I said at the beginning of my post, this isn’t meant to be about doing everything, it’s a way to hopefully help me find happiness in the little things. So there were a few more things on my list that I didn’t get to do – I thought I would share them with you too, just in case you’re looking for ideas for your own list. I’m going to hold onto all these ideas and either fit them in as the year goes on, or do the project again next year! I’d love to hear your ideas of how you would celebrate this month’s list of ideas – maybe you’ll give me an idea for my next project. The goals I didn’t manage this month were:

·      Mint manicure and pedicure (I really need to start painting my nails!!)

·      Try a new salad recipe

·      Take a spring break (I wish!)

·      Sip Spring drinks

·      Feed the ducks

·      Visit a Farmer’s Market

·      National Bed Month (to be fair, I spent a lot of time in my bed, but I didn’t feel it really counted!)

·      Time for a Cuppa (Dementia) – 1^st

·      British Pie Week – 6^th

·      Spring Forward – 8^th

·      Women’s Day – 8^th

·      Barbie Day – 9^th

·      Disabled Access Day – 10^th

·      St Patrick’s Day – 17^th

·      Macaron Day – 20^th (I wish I’d had some to eat!)

·      International Day of Happiness – 20^th

·      International Day of Forests – 21^st

I hope you’ve enjoyed hearing how I got on with my March Happiness Project. I’d love to hear your comments and it you’ve done/are doing a similar project I would love to hear all about it too! Keep an eye on my YouTube channel too for the video version of this post.

Have you done a Happiness Project before? What do you think of the idea?

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