Goodbye Gran

On a Sunday I usually post my Sunday Snippets – photos of things that have happened throughout my week. But this week things are a bit different, and I’ve decided I don’t feel comfortable carrying on and posting as if nothing has happened. On Wednesday morning I went along to my Gran’s room (she’s lived with us for four and a half years) to wake her up for breakfast. As soon as my Dad and I opened the door we knew something was wrong. I’m not going to go into massive detail because it’s still very raw and there are some things that just don’t need to be shared. But we quickly realised that, very sadly, my darling Granny had passed away during the night. She was just over a week short of her 92nd birthday. 

As I’m sure you can imagine, it was a huge shock and we are all devastated. She had been fighting dementia for a number of years; slowly deteriorating and losing more and more of her sparkle and personality. But she was still my Granny – the Granny who took us down to the beach when we were little, who baked fairy cakes with us and let me lick the bowl, who gave the best hugs and was always smiling. We couldn’t always see the ‘old her’ but we knew she was still there, underneath the bleakness that dementia brought with it.

Over the last few months she gradually stopped eating and drinking, which was heart breaking to watch. So we knew she was fading away, but we honestly didn’t think it would be this quick (neither did our GP). The house just feels so empty without her and we’re finding it really hard to come to terms with. Before she passed away I had actually started planning a blog post about dementia, as I feel it’s such a misunderstood disease. I’m putting it on the backburner for now – it’s just too raw at the moment – but I will still post it at some point.

I try not to talk too much about my mental and physical health here, as it’s a bit of an escape for me, but at the same time I think it’s important for me to be honest. I struggled with the idea of posting this, but I count you guys as friends and I think you deserve my honesty. My mental health has been gradually deteriorating, and with what’s happened this week it seems to have just pushed me over the edge. So I’m working with my GP and mental health team to keep myself out of hospital, just trying to put one foot in front of the other and get through an hour at a time.

I know this post probably won’t be of great interest to a lot of people, but I couldn’t continue posting without acknowledging what’s happened. Plus I’m sure there are a lot of you who can relate to losing someone you love. The next few weeks and months are going to be a challenge, but I want to keep my blog going if I can. It would have been my Gran’s birthday on the 5^th December, then we have Christmas to get through. At the moment it all just feels like a dream and the last thing I want to do is go out, be jolly and do normal things. But my Grandparents loved Christmas, so I want to make it special for them. I know they wouldn’t want me hiding away and putting my life on hold, so I will try my absolute best to push myself to do things, but at the same time I need to focus on my health and put family first. I thought it might be nice if I shared a few of my favourite photos of my Gran with you. Like I said, this may not be of any interest, but I feel I owe it to my Gran to remember the happy times with her and my Grandad.

This was my Gran's 91st Birthday last December. From L-R: Me, Gran, Bekkah (my sister) and my Mum

Gran's 91st Birthday - one of the last times we saw her smile

My Gran before the Dementia hit. She's with my Grandad soon after he had a huge stroke

Gran and Grandad on holiday

This is one of my favourite photos of them, and is how I like to remember them as they look so happy. This was my Gran and Grandad on their 50th Wedding Anniversary. I've never seen two people who loved each other as much as they did

My Gran and Grandad on their wedding day. I remember my Gran showing me their wedding video every time I went to stay with them - I loved watching it so much!

Gran and Grandad out for a meal

My Mum, Gran and I went out for afternoon tea to celebrate my birthday. A couple of days later we sadly lost my Grandad

This is my Gran and my Mum when she was little

Another of my favourite photos - I think it just captures the love between them

I always remember being so happy whenever my Gran and Grandad were around

I was my Grandparents' first grandchild, and from an early age I could see how much they doted on me, and later my siblings

Thank you for your on-going support and kindness. Please bear with me as I try to keep myself going at this difficult time.

Follow me on Bloglovin, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Google+