It’s been quite a difficult week unfortunately,
both with my physical and mental health. It just feels never-ending at the
moment, which is incredibly exhausting and frustrating. Still, as I write this
post I’m sitting watching Hairspray, and who can’t help but smile, sing and
have a boogie to that film!
Last Sunday I was woken up by the rain
hammering down on our tent, which wasn’t the sound I was hoping to hear! I
didn’t sleep brilliantly, so felt pretty sleepy all day. As it was raining we
all had breakfast together in one of the tents, before packing everything up.
Some of the party went to look round a nearby town, but we decided to head home
as we were all feeling pretty shattered. The drive back wasn’t too bad
thankfully. I unpacked my stuff then snuggled on the sofa with these two, who
were very pleased to see us. I popped to Waitrose with my Mum to get a few
vegetarian bits for dinner, and then spent the afternoon blogging. My brother,
Richard, came over and we had a BBQ. I then decided to treat myself to a bit of
pampering for my self care Sunday, so did a relaxing face mask to soothe my
sunburnt skin. I felt quite poorly in the evening unfortunately.
I woke up feeling pretty rubbish on Monday,
which wasn’t exactly unexpected after our busy weekend. I had a fairly quiet
but productive morning sorting through some of my clothes drawers and getting
rid of things. I think I wore myself out though, as I then crashed out on the
sofa for quite a while and snuggled up with Freddie. It was one of those days
where it felt like my body just couldn’t hold me up and my legs felt all
wobbly. After some rest I filmed myself opening a load of post that had built
up. I opened some lovely post from Meg, Izzy, Naomi, Luch and Jette. I spent
quite a while reading all these lovely letters and catching up on YouTube
videos.
Tuesday morning I managed to do a bit of photo
editing and then had my reflexology session. It was really relaxing and I
nearly fell asleep. After we’d finished I snuggled under my blanket with
Freddie for a while, as I felt really wiped out and pretty low as well. In the
afternoon I watched a load of YouTube videos and caught up on my rather full
blogger inbox. I’m terrible at keeping on top of my e-mails, so it felt good to
have gone through most of them.
I also opened this lovely subscription box from
Veronica Dearly,
which always makes me smile.
On Wednesday Jaffa woke me up at around 5am
(again!) by knocking a ceramic heart off my chest of drawers – it scared the
life out of me! I had a bit of a slow morning, as I just felt a bit rubbish
really. I managed to write a blog post but couldn’t upload it because Blogger
was playing up. I did get a new video up over on my YouTube though, which was
good. My Dad and brother popped over to Costco and picked me up this
Nutribullet. I’ve been contemplating getting one for about a year now, as my
doctors have recommended blending things more to try and help my digestive
problems. So when I saw it massively reduced I thought I wouldn’t see it at
such a good price again. If you know of any yummy recipes, I'd love to hear them please! In the afternoon I replied to a few Facebook messages
then watched some programmes I’d recorded and wrote some letters to my penpals.
I popped to Waitrose with my Mum and bumped into an old friend, which was nice.
Thursday morning I woke up quite late as Jaffa
had woken me up again at around 5am! I finally managed to upload my blog post
from Wednesday and edited a video. In the afternoon I was feeling really sick,
so I watched some programmes I had on record and did some bits on my laptop. I
then went out with my Mum, as she had to drop something off for someone. I
downloaded Pokémon Go, so tried to catch some Pokémon on the way. We then
popped to the chemist and Waitrose before coming home.
Friday was a pretty difficult day. In the
morning I watched some rubbish TV and edited a load of photos. I tried to rest
for a bit, but felt so anxious I just couldn’t settle. My Mum took me down to
see my GP in the afternoon. We only really talked about my physical health, so
I came home feeling quite tearful as I guess I’d hoped she might have thought
of a way to help me with my mental health. I then rang the mental health lady
that I mentioned in my post a couple of weeks ago. She had said she would ring
me back the following day, but after two weeks I’d heard nothing.
It turned out she just hadn’t bothered to ring
me back, which felt pretty rubbish. She said she’d spoken to my old
psychiatrist and that I needed to just go with the ‘plan’ and manage on my own,
or look for something in the community/private help. I just completely broke
down and sobbed for ages. I stupidly pinned all my hopes on her finding a way
to help me, and just feel so let down by the whole service. I’ve been
completely honest with them about my mental health rapidly deteriorating, but
they’ve turned me away every time. My Dad found me and took me out for a tiny
walk with the dogs, as he didn’t want to leave me on my own. He then took me to
a local place called the Safe Haven, which is basically a place for people to
go if they are experiencing a mental health crisis. It’s not open all the time
unfortunately, but I’d never been before and we didn’t know what else to do.
They were very welcoming and kind, and just gave me the space to talk with one
of the volunteers. I also spoke to a psychiatric nurse (they always have one
working when they’re open) and told her everything. Hearing her say ‘we will
help you get through this’ meant more than I can possibly describe. After being
turned away by so many people it’s amazing what a few simple words can do. She
gave me a number to ring on Monday for a charity who helps people with mental
health problems, so I will give them a ring and see what they do. She asked me
to try and keep myself safe while we try and find something to help me, but did
say they can refer me back to mental health services if need be. I came home
quite late feeling absolutely drained, but so grateful for those people at the
Safe Haven. Don’t get me wrong, things are no better, but being there helped me
feel a bit safer. My Dad also said to me that he wants to take me back to my GP
to ask for a second opinion on my mental health diagnosis. While I agree with
him that I don’t feel happy with the diagnosis or the way I’ve been treated,
I’m hugely anxious about making a fuss.
Yesterday was a lot more stressful than it
should have been. I got up reasonably early, and my Mum and I made our way into
London for a blogger event I’d been invited to. Getting to Waterloo was
absolutely fine, but after that the problems started. We couldn’t get the tube
to our destination, as the nearest stations didn’t have disabled access. So we
decided to take a bus. We waited, and waited, for our bus, but after goodness
knows how long the bus still hadn’t materialised. It turned out most of the
roads around our destination had been closed for a protest, so a large number
of buses had been cancelled. Great! After wandering around trying to find a
different bus in the hot sun for what felt like ages, we decided to take a
taxi. Despite it costing an arm and a leg, the driver was really lovely and I
was able to relax a bit after getting very panicky amongst the crowds. The
actual event was really lovely. I’ll be doing a separate blog post and vlog
about it, so I won’t go into too much detail, but it was for the launch of a
brand called My Favourite Sale.
We had drinks, a presentation, afternoon tea and lots of blogger networking – I
met so many lovely people. Our journey home wasn’t quite as bad. Once we
managed to find the right bus stop we caught a bus that took us straight back
to Waterloo. It was incredibly tiring and I was pretty wired when we finally
got home, but thankfully the event made it better and gave me some good
memories of the day.
If you haven’t read my blog before, I just
wanted to let you know that I have a second blog, which mainly focuses on my
health in more depth than I talk about it here. It’s largely for friends and
family to follow and keep up with what’s going on, but if it’s something you
would be interested in reading as well, you are more than welcome to follow me
over there. It’s called ‘Zebra Crossing’ and you can find it by clicking here. I’m trying to keep it updated fairly regularly, so hopefully
there will be something there for you to read!
You can also check out my YouTube channel here, where I have recently uploaded a few new videos (and hope to
continue doing!)
I’m also trying to post on Snapchat a bit more,
so if you fancy following me, my username is Jennycole44.
What have you been up to this week? I always
enjoy hearing about your news and adventures!
